Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
this beer tastes like vomit already
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
