I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
