That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
