in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
