I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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