saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
