I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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