Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Let's get the cat blown out
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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