I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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