summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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