Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
