party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I love having hate sex.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
