I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
do herpes really smell.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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