I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
