apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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