need another drink. this is the easiest way
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
