I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
