this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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