So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize