It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
