Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
