when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
