I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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