He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
