we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
