Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
