so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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