In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize