I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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