He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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