I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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