Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
