She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
