i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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