so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
