What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
