im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
