Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
