I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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