Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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