come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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