if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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