Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
