The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
