Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
