Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
