soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
