I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we're making bets on your personal life
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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