A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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