It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
