I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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