it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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