apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
