I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
