my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
