If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I need moral support for this bender
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
