Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
time to smoke my breakfast
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
