i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
