We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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