so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
