I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
