Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
