Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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