hell yes lets make some ravioli
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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