Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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