woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize