I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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